First things first, I am not saying that everyone has a ‘lemon’ in their mouth. You may be one of those people who always has a strawberry, which I totally applaud and try hard to keep a strawberry in mine too!
However, there are times when we may find our self with a lemon and this blog is about those moments.
So, what do I mean by having a lemon in our mouths or indeed changing it to a strawberry?
As you read more with this blog, you may find yourself justifying your lemon, saying oh it’s banter, a bit of humour or I’m just being sarcastic, there’s nothing in it. Well firstly, if you are saying there was not meant by it, I would challenge that and secondly the person on the receiving end, may definitely not see it as banter.
Please forgive me if you feel you are being scolded or told off, that is not my intention. My intention is to bring your awareness to your resident lemon and help you to recognise when it rears itself and also, how to eradicate it.
Ok, let me give you an example;
Let’s say you are a step-parent, a step-mum and your step child’s mother is not held with high regard in your eyes. You may well have good reason to feel like that – I am not questioning that.
But imagine, your step-child is talking to you about their biological mum, or their mum has come up in conversation. * Lemon Alert * At this point you may find yourself, referring to them as super mum to their child*, because let’s face it, they have probably in the past and even now are still not behaving like a mum or taking on this responsibility in your eyes. Again, I am not here to question that.
However, you may be completely unaware how hurtful it is for your step child to hear their mum being referred to as ‘super mum’. What you are actually doing, is reiterating to them, that their mum is indeed rubbish and let’s be honest they are probably acutely aware of their mums’ failings if that is the case.
Ok, I can hear your defence argument, ‘but that’s what we’ve always said, it was our “in joke”. I don’t doubt that and I am sure at times, your step child may have found that beneficial to have something that you two shared, that made them feel closer to you – because lets acknowledge the fact that the relationship that they may have been craving with their biological mum is somewhat fractured.
So how do you change that comment (lemon) to a helpful comment (strawberry).
Let’s put it into practice;
Stepchild says, mum is taking me into town for a coffee.
You: Oh wow super mum is doing her bit.
Stepchild says, “Mum is taking me into town for a coffee”.
You: That sounds nice, having a coffee with your mum.
I am hoping that you can see the difference?
We can sometimes underestimate the impact of small changes and how they can ‘land’ differently on each person.
So my leaving thought is;
Keep Your Lemons for Lemon Drizzle Cake – That’s Where They Work Best!
* One of the points that I like to make really clear, is that no matter what age a child is, they are still the child. Yes, even if they are 8, 16, 25, 43 etc..