Do you know what, I actually believe that names do hurt us and they hurt us in a way that sometimes cannot be seen by the untrained eye of another person. But when someone is ‘attacking’ you verbally, whether it is to your face, behind your back, on social media, email, the list goes on…. IT HURTS and IT IS PAINFUL!
This can leave you with feelings of despair, low self-esteem, anxiety and feeling sad among many other feelings. These feelings are very real and can overwhelm you and start to affect many areas of your life. You may start to shy away from socializing or playing games on the internet with your friends, for fear of the bully appearing at any time. Being bullied may make you see yourself as weak or wondering why it is you and not someone else.
The reality is, that it isn’t actually You as a whole unique person being targeted. You just happen to be probably one of the many people that has triggered something in the bully that they are missing themselves – have I lost you?
Ok, lets put it another way: A common reason for bullying behaviour can be due to lack of attention, learned behaviour, relief from feeling helpless. This doesn’t make it right, but knowledge is power and knowing the above next time the bully approaches you, you can say in your head, they are not happy and that’s them!
I appreciate what I am about to say may be easier said than done, but do you know what, none of what they are saying or doing is Your Fault, it is the other persons behaviour, BUT and again one of my big BUTS, its about looking at the impact that this is having on you and for us to work together to make life how You need and want it to be. Right now it may be one person that is making your life feel unbearable and lets face it, one person is one person too many.
I do not in any way wish to brush away the crippling effect that bullying can have on you. or someone you know. We would look at how they are carrying out their bullying and what you may be able to do, to reduce or remove their offensive behaviour towards you. This doesn’t mean directing it at someone else, but how we can make you feel safe and gain control.
One of the many ways we would work on together, will be empowering You, raising your self-esteem and enable You to be kind and compassionate to yourself. This can facilitate you to gain respect for yourself and truly appreciate who You are as a person, not who the bully has made you believe you are.
Start by taking control today, by contacting me to arrange your free introductory session, or if you prefer we can start with a full 50 minute session.
Let’s get you started on living the life that you would like to live and NOT how the bully is affecting you living!
I am based in West Sussex and for ease, my private practice has off-road parking.
Bully’s are like parasites (an organism which lives on another organism and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other’s expense) BUT – with helpful coping strategies You can reclaim control of your life!
Each year 9th to 15th October is Baby Loss Awareness Week and this important week is in its 15th year. This gives parents, family members and friends time to remember and commemorate the all-too-brief lives of their babies that have died during pregnancy, or after birth.
There are more than 3,600 stillbirths every year in the UK, and one in every 200 births ends in a stillbirth. However, baby loss still remains a topic that’s not openly discussed as much as it should be.
For the parents, family members and friends, baby loss during pregnancy, or after birth is very real and what they are going though needs to be acknowledged. Offering someone the time to talk about how their baby loss is for them, hearing their pain and anguish, or them questioning if they missed something, or was it something they did, will provide an important space for them to explore the feelings that they are experiencing.
Each persons baby loss, is as unique as their own fingerprint, for the mum, carrying the baby, feeling the baby move inside them, the changes in their physical shape and how the hormones are reacting including changes of eating habits were all valid for however long mum carried their baby. For the father, seeing the scans, touching his partner’s tummy and feeling their baby move, preparing himself for fatherhood, validated the expectancy of having their baby.
You could be preparing to be a grandparent for the first time, it could be your sister’s baby loss, your best friends or a colleague at work. Whichever category you fall into (and you could be several), how you are feeling and wondering what to say or do may leave you feeling alone. Help is available to everyone that experiences a baby loss – you do not need to suffer in silence.
What happens next….
There are no guidelines as to how you may feel or what to do. No-one has the answers, but there are several charities (https://babyloss-awareness.org/charities/) that are able to provide you with the support that you need.
Your baby that has died is still part of your family and it may be helpful for you to consider how you wish to remember him or her. Shortly after the death of your baby, you may wish to hold them, take photos or a video, maybe have a lock of their hair or have their fingerprints taken professionally to create lasting memories. Whatever you decide you want to do is okay. At this point other people may feel they know what’s best for you, but actually at that moment in time, you should concentrate on you and your needs. Your partner, family members and friends will be struggling themselves and may differ in the way they wish to remember the baby and that’s okay too.
You may feel that 1:1 counselling is not for you and that a forum group may be more helpful, I understand that. You can contact me and together we can look at what support networks are around and arrange for you to meet with the groups that could benefit you – you don’t have to do this on your own.
If you were to have counselling with me, you would be met with empathy and compassion. You will have time, space and a confidential environment to talk about the loss of your baby.
You may be someone who has been impacted by the baby loss of a friend or colleague and may find it helpful to be able to talk about the impact of how the loss is for you.
You are the most important person and therefore it is a right for you to have the opportunity to talk through this difficult time and what may feel like taboo subject. It is not about anyone else, it is about You and how You feel. I will sit with you and listen and hear exactly how your baby loss is for you.
If coming to see me feels too overwhelming, you are welcome to call me and we could speak on the phone initially, this may help reiterate that I am the right person to hear your story.
My private practice is based in West Sussex and has off-road parking.
You no longer need to sit in silence, we are here to listen to You.
On the 10th September 2017, it is World Suicide Prevention Day. According to the World Health Organisation, it is estimated that over 800,000 people die by suicide each year.
We need to come together and raise awareness that suicide is preventable and decrease the stigma regarding suicide. No two suicides are the same, suicide is unique to that person who took their own life, it was their very own personal viewpoint.
If you are feeling suicidal connect with others, prevent yourself from being alone with your thoughts, reach out, there are people available, whether it is friends and family, a medical professional, the Samaritans or a counsellor. You don’t realise the impact on you for making that one contact. I understand forming the words about how you are feeling and actually vocalising them could be too much.
Let’s break it down into smaller bite size pieces; firstly write down three potential contacts you could make, I’ll help you with the first two;
1) your doctor
2) the Samaritans (Tel: 116 123 or email: email@example.com, there are also branches local to us, in Worthing, Horsham and Brighton and across the UK).
Who could be your third? You may not choose a third and that’s okay, its just about knowing that support is there for You.
Secondly, place a tick ✔ alongside the one(s) that you feel most comfortable about speaking with.
Thirdly, decide how you would prefer to communicate, would you prefer to email, write a letter, phone, send a text or face to face. Notice how you feel about each choice, because You do have a choice. You may even decide to ask someone to come with You to the Doctors for support, that’s okay too. The most important part is to know that help is out there and that no matter what, you are not on your own.
You can contact me and together we can get a support network in place for you and gradually through our counselling sessions, together we can look at what You are struggling with. I will provide a non-judgemental space, where I will listen to You.
You may be reading this Blog, because You have been affected by Suicide and are trying to come to terms with what happened, dealing with the ‘what if’s and if onlys’. Going round in circles trying to spot the signs that You feel you should have seen; there will be many different ways as to how you see this and the previously mentioned may be some of them, all of them or even more. It may be that you have started to have anxiety, or panic disorders, you are now having relationship issues, or feeling sad.
If you were to have counselling with myself, you would be met with empathy and compassion, you will have time, space and a confidential environment to unravel what is causing you distress. Sometimes being given the opportunity to talk can almost feel enough, no longer feeling it is a taboo subject and that other people wont want to hear about it. Or preventing yourself from talking about it to others so as to not upset them – but what about You? You matter, you are important.
You could try my free introductory session, which lasts around twenty minutes, this gives you the opportunity to see if counselling may be helpful to you.
My private practice, has off-road parking and is based in West Sussex.
If coming to see me feels too much, please look at my useful links page as there maybe an alternative support group which you may prefer.
Together we can Connect, Communicate and Care about what is going on for You.
It’s quite interesting when you talk to people, anyone, I am not referring to clients here, how a certain subject or situation is a taboo subject, “oh, we don’t talk about that”. As the story unfolds, it generally tends to be that it was actually someone else that censored that particular subject. This can be difficult because subconsciously you may desperately want to talk about or explore ‘the subject’ but consciously for the fear of upsetting the apple cart or the person that put that ‘rule’ in place, you hold onto it and don’t speak about it.
Wow, that’s a tough call! You may feel that you want to want to talk about the unspoken subject, or indeed feel that you will do everything to not talk about it. You could be trying to make sense of it, have unanswered questions, guilt, pain, sadness along with many other feelings.
The ‘unspoken subject’ may hang in the air at family gatherings, whether or not the person who could get upset isn’t there, it could be so ingrained not to talk about that even if you wanted to talk to a sibling or aunt or uncle, this may leave you feeling uneasy or awkward.
You may feel that in some way even the thought of talking about the ‘unspoken subject’ is betrayal or that you don’t care enough about them to not leave the ‘unspoken’ exactly that, unspoken!
Being able to come to a place, which is away from family and everyday life, a place where confidentiality is met, and importantly a place where you feel able to explore the unspoken, could be just the place for You.
There is a difference between speaking to friends about the unspoken and speaking to a counsellor. Without realising, when you speak with friends, you will probably still hold back. That is the effect that the unspoken has on you. Again there will be a sense of “am I betraying the person who this subject causes so much pain, or angst to?”
When you have the opportunity to say the unspoken with a counsellor, this can bring strong emotions and feelings that may surprise you, or may feel like a complete release, which is followed by relief. Phew, finally You have been able to say out loud your thoughts and feelings and the impact that the unspoken has had on You.
Initially, you may talk around the unspoken subject, as it may be new for you to allow this to enter your mind and stay there longer than has felt okay to do so previously. And that alone may be a new experience for You. You may not be ready to say the unspoken out loud to start with, as those words may feel difficult to form in your mouth.
One thing I will say, is you may be surprised how significant turning the unspoken into the spoken could feel for You.
When I say surprised, imagine walking around all day with a backpack filled with rocks. It will be heavy and burdensome, the rocks might stick in your back and even when you rearrange the rocks, another one will poke you somewhere else in your back. It will feel tiring and you may feel irritated that you have to carry it.
Ok, so now imagine, someone suggests you take off your back pack as it looks uncomfortable, offers you a seat and suggests that you place the back pack on the floor to the side of you. It’s still there, but You are now not the one carrying it. That to me feels a bit like carrying the ‘unspoken’, may be it isn’t yours to carry or struggle with anymore?
You could always contact me to arrange a free introductory session and don’t worry, you only have to talk about what You want to talk about. You can phone, text or email me, whatever suits you. I’m looking forward to helping you take your backpack off.
I am based in West Sussex and for ease, my private practice has off-road parking.
What would be helpful to have in your backpack?
I expect as soon as you read that, you immediately thought, ‘’I shouldn’t talk to strangers”!
I’m hoping you will keep reading, because whilst You may automatically link a stranger to danger, in counselling terms, I feel it fits really well for what I offer: “a person whom one does not know or with whom one is not familiar”.
Being able to speak to someone and being totally honest, knowing that that person has no preconceived ideas about who you are, or what has brought you to counselling. That could be just the type of stranger which is suitable for you?
People have counselling for a whole variety of reasons, sometimes people come to counselling because they are not feeling right in themselves but don’t necessarily have a name for it. Maybe it doesn’t need a name, maybe You just need the time and space to look at what is causing you distress or difficulty. I have non-critical ears and I will listen to You. You will have a confidential space in my private practice in West Sussex.
I appreciate that sometimes for men it can be difficult at first to acknowledge that they may be struggling, or to say how they are feeling. You may feel vulnerable or overwhelmed. This point I want to stress, that by speaking to me, You are suddenly not alone with your problem, that in itself can start to feel reassuring.
Talking to a professional stranger allows You to go at your pace, we can break down what is happening to You and look at it in a more manageable way that works for You We can also look at coping techniques to help you in between the sessions.
I strongly urge You to contact me now, even if it is to arrange a free introductory session, rather than wait another day, week or month. If you had toothache you might want to put it off, but the chances are you won’t due to it being uncomfortable. Whatever is troubling You is similar to toothache, in that it won’t go away, it will just keep berating you.
If coming to see me feels too much, please look at my useful links page as there maybe an alternative support group that you may prefer. There is also the Samaritans, where you can phone, email, or see someone face to face.
Maybe this You Tube clip, may help you make the choice (and no, You don’t have to have depression to see me).
My private practice, has off-road parking and is in West Sussex. Here I will offer you a safe and confidential space for You to talk about whatever You wish to talk about.
You never know, I could be the one professional stranger that helps make your life okay.
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